This is so powerful, Bobby. Thank you for sharing this so openly. It's amazing to me that you held on to your faith, and have pursued it so robustly, in spite of the ways you suffered from the abusive use of God's name for many years. Your clear-eyed testimony will shine a light for many people, people who may just need this kind of light to shine on a path they were about to take. Thank you.
You're welcome, Federico. Back when I began to seriously contemplate leaving, and for awhile after, there was a part of me that wanted to turn away from any notion of God or church. But there was just something about Jesus I couldn't let go of. And I'm glad for that.
Wow! I am so fascinated to see all of the connections you bring out over the next few weeks. From one cult survivor to another, I’m glad you got out and that you are telling your story and connecting the dots. I’m particularly interested in the way you connect this to the NAR which in my opinion is one of the most dangerous things going on in modern Christianity. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Christy! It seems like leaders of the NAR and other charismatic groups (like the prosperity gospel) have a love-hate relationship with Branham, trotting out his prophecies when convenient but distancing himself when, again, it's convenient for them to do so.
Thanks so much for sharing this Bobby. Would love to chat more someday, my mom was very influenced by her much older sister who still to this day is part of a Branhamite church. Looking forward to reading more on this from you
Thank you Bobby for your boldness & vulnerability regarding spiritual abuse within the church. And helping us see through your lens to assist in spotting abuse. Looking forward to learning more.
I’m a survivor also, still healing and growing. What I want to be known is what a privilege it is to know you, to be lead by you as a teacher, pastor and co-laborer for Christ. Your healing is personally important to me, my family and community. Your commitment to God and his word and to NOT be abusive is paramount. Thank you for writing, sharing and making a helpful path. To God be the glory.
There were several other times when I attempted to evangelize (although I didn't know that's what I was doing), and tell other little kids about what I was hearing in church. It was very confusing to then hear, "Oh, we're actually not supposed to do that -- the time is too close to the end." No wonder I turned out to be such an introvert.
Thank you! I struggle hard at times to feel at home in the church where I have participated in ministry since 2000. I think for my personality leading churches was dangerous to my mental well being. I am still sorting out whybI feel.as I do, but I get very upset whenever I discern an agenda which "others" people because they don't conform to a particular take on the Scripture which is "the truth of God". I have subscribed!
In church, I did not experience the more obvious (loud?) patterns of abuse that you list. Rather, I experienced dismissal and accusations rooted in misuse of Scripture twisted to convince me that I was always in the wrong. It was very insidious and a general culture of gaslighting. It was definitely spiritual abuse because it involved the use of Scripture and warped cultural (church-based) expectations of what it meant to be a "good Christian" or a good wife/good mother, etc. I grew up in Evangelical churches, attending Baptist, non-denominational, and Assembly of God churches. The problems were at all of them.
What do you do when the church that spiritually abused you calls in GRACE… then gatekeeps the access to them… and you have no other recourse? I had always respected the organization from what I knew. I know they can only do what the church allows. But why would they work with a church that isn’t allowing them access to the victims?
Chelsey, that is a tough one and I hate to hear that you're in this situation. We started with GRACE last year and at this point have just hosted a GRACE representative for a training for our leaders, and are getting ready for a full-member training. I'm not sure why they would work for such a church unless they don't know (or haven't yet learned) that the church is not letting you speak with them. Abusers are very good at controlling the narrative. It's like a pastor who publicly follows the "Billy Graham rule" and has anti-porn software on his computer, and an "accountability group," and yet still gets caught doing some of the very things that all of his systems were supposed to prevent. The heart will find a way to get what it wants.
Thank you for responding. My guess is GRACE has no idea they are preventing victims from speaking with them. I’m glad to hear your experience has been a good one. We’re not giving up!
Reading this, I feel seen. Some elements of your experience are so similar to mine and yet so different from most everyone I'm reading in the deconstruction spaces. Thank you for sharing your story.
Looking forward to this journey. Way more Christians, especially in the charismatic church, have been to spiritually abusive churches. I suppose fundamentalists have as well. But much of what you say resonates with my own journey. Though the specifics differ, the spiritual pride and judgment is a theme that runs through these things.
I greatly enjoy the leaving the message podcast YouTube channel. I was never a part of the message but it's tentacles reach all throughout the independent charismatic stream. Thanks for writing. I think this is going to help a lot of people.
You're welcome, Carl. I agree that spiritual pride and judgment run through so many different streams of spiritually abusive churches. And I love the Leaving the Message podcast as well!
This is so powerful, Bobby. Thank you for sharing this so openly. It's amazing to me that you held on to your faith, and have pursued it so robustly, in spite of the ways you suffered from the abusive use of God's name for many years. Your clear-eyed testimony will shine a light for many people, people who may just need this kind of light to shine on a path they were about to take. Thank you.
You're welcome, Federico. Back when I began to seriously contemplate leaving, and for awhile after, there was a part of me that wanted to turn away from any notion of God or church. But there was just something about Jesus I couldn't let go of. And I'm glad for that.
I'm also very glad you stayed!
Wow! I am so fascinated to see all of the connections you bring out over the next few weeks. From one cult survivor to another, I’m glad you got out and that you are telling your story and connecting the dots. I’m particularly interested in the way you connect this to the NAR which in my opinion is one of the most dangerous things going on in modern Christianity. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Christy! It seems like leaders of the NAR and other charismatic groups (like the prosperity gospel) have a love-hate relationship with Branham, trotting out his prophecies when convenient but distancing himself when, again, it's convenient for them to do so.
Interesting!
Thanks so much for sharing this Bobby. Would love to chat more someday, my mom was very influenced by her much older sister who still to this day is part of a Branhamite church. Looking forward to reading more on this from you
Thanks Andrew! It is amazing how far the tentacles of this movement stretch.
This is so powerful, Bobby! Are you at Northern this week?
Thanks, Laurie! No, I'm not there this week. I'm taking theology 2 w/ Dr. Jones but hopping on via Zoom.
Thank you Bobby for your boldness & vulnerability regarding spiritual abuse within the church. And helping us see through your lens to assist in spotting abuse. Looking forward to learning more.
Thank you so much!
I’m a survivor also, still healing and growing. What I want to be known is what a privilege it is to know you, to be lead by you as a teacher, pastor and co-laborer for Christ. Your healing is personally important to me, my family and community. Your commitment to God and his word and to NOT be abusive is paramount. Thank you for writing, sharing and making a helpful path. To God be the glory.
Thank you so much, Linda. That means a lot and I am glad to be in community with you.
Thank you for sharing!
You're welcome, April. I'm grateful for your encouragement!
Thank you for having the courage to write this. It's helping more people than you know.
You're welcome and thanks for the encouragement. It means a lot to me!
I had no idea you grasped so much at such a young age. Wow. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more.
There were several other times when I attempted to evangelize (although I didn't know that's what I was doing), and tell other little kids about what I was hearing in church. It was very confusing to then hear, "Oh, we're actually not supposed to do that -- the time is too close to the end." No wonder I turned out to be such an introvert.
Thank you! I struggle hard at times to feel at home in the church where I have participated in ministry since 2000. I think for my personality leading churches was dangerous to my mental well being. I am still sorting out whybI feel.as I do, but I get very upset whenever I discern an agenda which "others" people because they don't conform to a particular take on the Scripture which is "the truth of God". I have subscribed!
In church, I did not experience the more obvious (loud?) patterns of abuse that you list. Rather, I experienced dismissal and accusations rooted in misuse of Scripture twisted to convince me that I was always in the wrong. It was very insidious and a general culture of gaslighting. It was definitely spiritual abuse because it involved the use of Scripture and warped cultural (church-based) expectations of what it meant to be a "good Christian" or a good wife/good mother, etc. I grew up in Evangelical churches, attending Baptist, non-denominational, and Assembly of God churches. The problems were at all of them.
What do you do when the church that spiritually abused you calls in GRACE… then gatekeeps the access to them… and you have no other recourse? I had always respected the organization from what I knew. I know they can only do what the church allows. But why would they work with a church that isn’t allowing them access to the victims?
Chelsey, that is a tough one and I hate to hear that you're in this situation. We started with GRACE last year and at this point have just hosted a GRACE representative for a training for our leaders, and are getting ready for a full-member training. I'm not sure why they would work for such a church unless they don't know (or haven't yet learned) that the church is not letting you speak with them. Abusers are very good at controlling the narrative. It's like a pastor who publicly follows the "Billy Graham rule" and has anti-porn software on his computer, and an "accountability group," and yet still gets caught doing some of the very things that all of his systems were supposed to prevent. The heart will find a way to get what it wants.
Thank you for responding. My guess is GRACE has no idea they are preventing victims from speaking with them. I’m glad to hear your experience has been a good one. We’re not giving up!
Thank you so much for writing this.
You're welcome, Mary!
Reading this, I feel seen. Some elements of your experience are so similar to mine and yet so different from most everyone I'm reading in the deconstruction spaces. Thank you for sharing your story.
You’re welcome, Heidi!
Looking forward to this journey. Way more Christians, especially in the charismatic church, have been to spiritually abusive churches. I suppose fundamentalists have as well. But much of what you say resonates with my own journey. Though the specifics differ, the spiritual pride and judgment is a theme that runs through these things.
I greatly enjoy the leaving the message podcast YouTube channel. I was never a part of the message but it's tentacles reach all throughout the independent charismatic stream. Thanks for writing. I think this is going to help a lot of people.
You're welcome, Carl. I agree that spiritual pride and judgment run through so many different streams of spiritually abusive churches. And I love the Leaving the Message podcast as well!
Thank you for sharing. I can relate. I’m sorry.